Tips to start a conversation with your kid to help them open up

As parents you don’t have to be your kid’s best friend but you can definitely have a open, healthy conversation with them to help them open up about what they think. 

You can provide them with a safe environment where they can feel comfortable talking about what their problems, successes and failures. 

Kids generally talk a lot when they are in preschool and can’t shut up talking about their school or friends. As they grow up and join elementary school they can clam up and as teenagers they can sometimes spend hours locked up in their rooms. 

There are tips to help you start a conversation with your kid to help them open up:

1- Priority 

When your kid desires to talk, tear yourself away from any task you are doing at the moment so that your kid understands that they are your first priority and they can always have a conversation with you.

It’s an indication for them that they can always count on you to have a conversation. 

This is the same for teens as well. Even if it is 1 am and they are worried about their exam or crying over a breakup or fallout with their friend, be there for them. Teenagers need emotional support and if that is not provided by their own parents than they may look elsewhere. 

2- Positive Words

When you are trying to have a conversation with your kid, instead of asking questions which may feel like an interrogation, simply greet them with positive words. 

You can tell them how glad you are to see them when they come back from school or how well they have been performing in gym and how proud you are of them which will help them feel comfortable around you and open up about their life. 

3- No judgement

When your child engages in a conversation with you, try to remain non- judgemental and calm. 

If you harshly reprimand them or scold them then they won’t open up to you the next time. 

Judging your kids also makes them lie to you more. If they feel harshly judged and criticised all the time, they will start hiding things from you about their life. 

4- Vent

Sometimes your child just wants to vent and not require any advice from you. 

In these cases, provide them a safe, loving environment where they can open up about their thoughts. Allow them to figure out their own solutions to their problems without jumping in with advice. 

By allowing kids to come up with their own solutions, they are more likely to seek you out during crisis. 

5- Connect

Ensure that you connect with each of your child on a regular basis. 

As children grow up, they might develop their own interests and hobbies that might be different than yours but make sure you find a common ground where you both can connect. 

You can share a cup of warm milk before you all go to bed or read them their favourite story while they fall asleep or play puzzles with them. 

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6- Good listener 

Sometimes with work and household chores, parents are not able to give their full time attention to their kid. 

With cell phones, tv, iPads, it might be difficult for you to be fully present with your child. 

Kids will become frustrated if they see that you don’t pay attention to them when they are trying to have a conversation with you. This will make them slowly stop having any type of communication with you in the future. 

7- Time

As parents, it’s okay if you feel frustrated when your child doesn’t open up to you even when you are trying so hard. 

In these cases, give them their own personal space and stop nagging them about it. They will eventually come around when they can clear their mind. 

8- Vulnerability 

If your child is rude to you whenever you want them to open up, show your vulnerability to them and how hurt you feel. 

Your child will most certainly feel bad about hurting you and will be more mindful next time. 

You can patiently wait and try reconnecting later so that your child has plenty of time to feel sorry and can apologise to you. 

Both of you can then have a heart to heart conversation.

9- Availability 

Your child can sometimes approach you even when you are busy so be mindful of not shooing them away just because you are working. 

You can show them you are available for conversations simply by folding laundry with them or cleaning their bookcase. 

Being in the same room will help them start a conversation you knowing that you are available then to listen. 

10- Avoid generic questions

If you don’t want your child to answer with a yes or no all the time then stop asking generic questions to them. 

Ask them specific questions that you know they will have to describe it to you while answering and this will help them open up to you. 

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