Improving Toddler BehaviouralIssues - Some techniques

When a toddler does a wrong thing or shows a bad behaviour e.g. pushing a friend, natural reaction of the parents would be that child has behavioural problem and either give punishment or grounding them. Most of us are brought up with punishment being a part of our childhood life.

Why Punishing alone will not work in children?

Research has found that in very young kids like toddlers, punishing them alone for a bad behaviour will not have an impact or change in most cases. This is because their brain is still in developing stage and is trying to learn the cause and effect. Hence they cannot completely understand the consequences of their doing/ behaviour.As they are in learning stage, talking with them and making them understand can help.

Working through children behaviour issues

When the child is showing behaviour issues, a suggested method called “curiosity questions” can help. This will make child realise what has taken place. As we explained above that punishment alone will not work, these curiosity questions will help kids think about their actions and their results. This will finally help in their overall growth and future as well.Additional benefit of these questions is that it will keep you and your kid connected via communication.Some examples of the questions that can be used if let’s say child pushed his/ her friend:Do you thinkyou could have done anything different?

  • How do you feel about this?
  • What did you learn from this?
  • Do you feel you want to do this again?

Note that none of the questions have started with “Why did you?”

This is because, it will indicate accusing and also make the child defensive.

Guidelines When Using Curiosity Questions

  1. Tackle the challenging behaviour calmly

Ensure both of you are calm. Taking deep breaths or counting till 10 will help.

  1. Connect before correcting the behaviour

Ensure you are always communicating and connecting with your kid especially when they have shown bad behaviour. Its extremely important to show them empathy and acceptance.

  1. Making Art of Listening a habit

It can be difficult to listen to your kid in these situations with open mind. We would almost always want to get to a quick solution/ solve the problem ourselves.Do remember that the curiosity questions are meant to help the child drive and entice their thoughts and feelings.

  1. Let child come up with own answers/ solutions

If child can come up solutions/ answers on their own, it will first of all instil a responsibility and ownership in them and secondly will make them believe that they can also contribute. They will may a time surprise with the options and answers.

  1. Moving On

After a proper conversation and working out, do help the child in getting utmost important self-forgiveness by not dragging and staying on the same topic.At the end of it, mistakes are learning opportunities.Best way is to switch over to a game or fun activity.